CHRIS BAMIDELE: Let Your Ex Be Exactly What It Is, ‘EX’

CHRIS BAMIDELE: Let Your Ex Be Exactly What It Is, ‘EX’


When I see people who try to befriend their exes for whatever reasons, I simply tell them they shouldn’t, because staying chummy with a former flame can seriously affect the foundation of existing romantic relationships. Interestingly, it goes both ways

Having warm thoughts about an ex decreases the quality of current relationships, while low relationship satisfaction can also create some seriously warm thoughts about an ex especially the one we used to love so much and shared many unforgettable moments.

Even after an amicable breakup, it’s extremely difficult to be friends, at least initially. Most people cannot remain friends after a breakup, but if it will ever be, it will be later – much later.

The atmosphere immediately following a breakup is too emotionally charged for it to happen right away, if at all. Also, if you’re the one pushing to be friends after a break-up, perhaps you’re trying to avoid your grief or you want the benefits without the responsibility.

And if you’re on the receiving end of a “let’s be friends” agenda, just be honest with yourself and with your ex if you don’t want to venture into that realm. You don’t need any long-winded explanation.

My last relationship left me badly bruised and battered after my ex abandoned me and got married to someone else when things went a bit bad for me at work and my finances suffered. But four months into her marriage, she called me to apologise, and I simply told her there was nothing to be sorry for, since life is all about choices and she had made hers, and that I had forgiven her and forgotten about whatever she did wrong.

She later asked for us to be friends again, requesting that I let her know when I would be getting married so that she could come around and celebrate with me; I promptly and politely declined the offer. Not because I hated her or anything, but staying in touch regularly with an ex especially if the love was really strong at some point, is a capital NO for me.

Truth is, if you truly and totally love someone, your heart never really stopped loving them or caring about them. But once you have both decided to go separate ways and move on with your lives, there is no reason for any of you to start pushing for friendship, because if one of you still hold a glimmer of hope for the relationship, (which is most likely) being platonic friends may prove to be difficult.

But if you still insist that there is no big deal in being friends with your ex, or you must stay in close proximity with them maybe because you both work in the same organisation or something close to that, you might want to keep these rules in mind.