“Marriage or relationship isn’t just a word, but it is work, in which the two involved will put in much effort to make it a lasting and happy one.”… Maame
Marriage, until recent years was known to be the union between spouses (i.e. a man and a woman), which establishes rights and obligations between them. Men and women have their own reasons for marriage or getting into marriage, some emotional, financial, spiritual, religious purposes etc.
Through these reasons, we do ask ourselves if it matters and do we know the reason(s) for which our spouse or supposed to be husband or wife decided to enter the union with us. In some parts of the world, marriages are arranged, child marriages, forced marriages and even polygamy are allowed based on cultural practices and traditions.
Marriage or relationship isn’t just a word, but it is work. Work, in which the two involved will put in much effort to make it a lasting and happy one.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family and so growing up, I always dreamt of going into a relationship that will compensate for my emotional and psychological loss. But, as has always been the trend, in there lies the trap to overlook telltale signs and warnings, writings on the wall that foretell impending dooms.
I wanted a boyfriend, someone that can make me happy and feel loved, to have someone there to make me feel good about myself and yes I did find someone.
I fell in love with him. In the cause of the relationship, I did notice some bad behaviors, but I brushed it off thinking he would change.
I was deeply in love with him. I didn’t think twice about my future with him; someone who was insecure, someone who could easily abuse a woman both physically and emotionally, someone who is overly sensitive over everything. Nothing mattered to me at that time. I was blinded by love.
Years passed and we got married. In the first month, all was well. Then I saw all that which i thought didn’t matter coming to pass.
During our marriage, my mood was totally contingent upon the way he responded to me. A compliment would lead to exhilaration or insult. I fell into pieces. I was physically and emotionally abused. I stopped believing in myself that I could do something right.
Not having anyone to rely on for motivation, I indeed became miserable. Had to stand for myself for once to say enough. Finally, I ended my marriage. It wasn’t easy picking up the broken glasses.
Every individual has his or her own reason for getting married. the question we all mostly ask ourselves is are we finding fulfillment in our marriage? Are we living in the essence of marriage? Do we see our marriage as purpose filled or just one life expectation box you had to tick?
Many people are enduring abuses, both men and women in their respective relationship. Sad thing is, they don’t know or have the courage to voice it out, stop it or take themselves out of the situation.
A good marriage may seemingly just happen, however, it too depends on coordinated effort and especially on wise counsel. Proper guidance is essential and the willingness on both sides to find a way to navigate the marriage map .
It is natural for the unmarried man and woman to think about a marriage mate as partner in life. Ever since it was instituted by God, marriage between a man and a woman has been a normal way of life.
In biblical terms, we saw that Adam did not choose his wife, but God lovingly provided for him. But today, the onus lies on us to choose our own marriage mate. In selecting a marriage mate, some people are influenced by the appearance, what they find pleasing and desirable to the eye. Others look for material benefits, someone who will take good care of them – cater to their needs and wants. Will either lead to a happy and satisfying marriage?
It may, but to a certain extent. From then on, it is as useless to the marriage journey as the sheared skin of the snake, is to it going forward.
When God instituted marital arrangements, He intended it to be a binding one (mark10:6-12). And selecting a marriage mate is mostly one of the important step we take and should not be viewed lightly. Decisions made have much potential for happiness or for sadness. A good decision can make one’s life a more satisfying one, and a poor choice can bring no end of sorrow. For lasting happiness to prevail, it is vital to choose wisely and be willing to make lasting commitment.
It paramount for me to say, it is very important to be real when choosing a mate. With the physical attraction and strong impulse, we should not allow our judgment to be distorted when selecting a mate. Both men and women need to be very careful. A relationship built solely on fleeting foundation will result in loss and wastage which will eventually end in hatred between the once love birds (2samuel13:15).
Love can be cultivated as we get to know our mate and better understand ourselves as well. Realising also that, what is best for us may not be what our heart initially desired or observed (Jeremiah 17:9). That is why the bible is also the best and divine guidance in making wisest decision in life and in marriages. In Psalm 32:8 says ” I shall make you have insight and instruct you in the way you should go. I will give advice with my eye upon you”. Marriage can satisfy our inborn need for love and companionship, but can also present challenges requiring maturity and discernment. One doesn’t have to rush into marriage as a young immature lad. Guidance from people who have gained vital experience in life, which you cannot possibly have in your teenage years, will come in handy and prepare you enough to handle the responsibilities as well as the problems that arise in marriage.
By Maame Adwoa Chellaesther ..For Unbroken Chords
(Undergraduate Business Administration, Kesben University College, Kutunase – Ashnati Ghana)