Hmmm…Just on a fateful day, I and my friend were having a chat, one talk lead to another and she started pouring out her heart to me.
She said she married her husband at the age of 18. That was not the intended time for her to get married because she just completed her diploma and her father was so eager to push her through degree program in the university
Her mother wanted her to get married after the diploma and as such she needed to bring home a husband. Any man she brings, the mum will reject, is either the guy is this, or the guy is that.
Everyday quarrel between her and her mum. Mum will insult her, then started beating and cursing her. Mum just get’s angry whenever she sees her around.
One thing lead to another, then mum suggested a guy for her. The guy was from mum’s village, according to her she asked mum
‘do you like me to marry him?
Very happy, mum said, not just like, if you agree to marry him, I will buy you a big fridge. She succumbed to make mum happy, mum was happy.
Then communication commenced with the guy, he said he loved and wanted to marry her right away, she asked ‘what about my degree program? She said he promised to sponsor her education after the marriage.
Mum was very excited. My friend was sad, she would always cry because she has a guy she was in love with and now she was being made to marry someone else.
Immediately marriage plans commenced, she met with this guy four times before the wedding took place. The marriage took place within eight months from when the mum introduced her to him. She barely knew. She was marrying a complete stranger to make the mum happy.
After the marriage things began to fall apart, he said to her ‘I need a child before any school thing, she agreed to that. She was a virgin. She got pregnant on the very first night of the marriage.
She began to see some characters from him, he stays away from home for weeks, returns only on Sundays and when he comes back home after spending weeks out with no excuse or reason of his staying out, he would still not spend anytime with her at home, he will either go to the football ground to watch match or go to a beer parlour, ensuring he stays out the whole day.
She often gets calls from mystery women, they will be insulting her, calling her names, most times this calls were made from the husband phone, strange women were calling and insulting her, using his phone while he was out with the women.
She will have to bear because it’s a church marriage. She learnt to become more patient with time. She went through lots of physical and emotional abuse, beatings, insults. She became very frustrated.
After two years of marriage, she reminded him about her school, the promise he made,’ he said I need a male child, the first one was a female child. she had no choice, got pregnant again.
Thankful, God gave her the desired male child.
Alas, he became worst, the beatings multiplied, with insult. So many disgusting things he was doing to her, calling her names.
I was present one day when her husband threatened to kill her with a very big iron in his hands, I shouted to neighbours to come to her aid.
After that incident, she went on hospital admission, on discharge from the hospital, she told me she won’t go back to that house, ‘I don’t even love this man in question, I just agreed, I thought he would love me and I will learn to love him too, but as it is now I can’t bear it.
I pleaded with her to go back and pray more, I pleaded and more, she then agreed and went back there.
I went with her, right in my presence, he took her bag and told her to leave, I pleaded with him and invited one of his friends.
It got settled, She stayed back in the house. I always see her, down and frustrated, I can’t help her, she’s always in tears. I will always hear her cry and say, ‘I have wasted my six years, what will I do to be free from this marriage?
‘Help me, you are my friend’
I always advice and say to her ‘you will still learn to tolerate and love him, bear it more’
She quoted me the Bible some weeks back saying
‘the bible said we should not go on divorce, also quoted, a man can only divorce his wife if he found her unfaithful.
She told me I will go out and be an unfaithful woman so I can have my freedom. I don’t know what to say again.
Help my friend, you might have advice that will ease her. She might go out of the will of God.
Please dear fellow women, advise her, what would you do?