Marriage, aka matrimony or wedlock is the legally or formally recognized union of two people as partners in a personal relationship that establishes rights and obligations between spouses. It is the joining of two people in a bond that putatively lasts until death.
There are a number of reasons why people get into this institution, companionship, convenience, financial, religious, birthing offspring, and so much more. Although some people’s hearts may be in the right place when it comes to reasons to get married, they may not exactly comprehend the full parameters of marriage and sometimes misconstrue the truths surrounding this union.
Some men believe that once they’ve paid a woman’s bride price, they’ve officially bought her off the market and she becomes their property to do as they please. She automatically becomes their slave and should be subservient no matter the circumstance.
African culture has done a marvellous job intertwining slavery and marriage that from time immemorial, African men have felt like lords over their women and they waste no time in showing and proving that.
Take for instance, a 50-year-old man from Niger State, Nigeria named Bamaiyi Tanko who was recently arrested for hacking his 30-year-old wife, Auta to death because she ‘refused to give him food for five days’.
People would easily point fingers at Auta. She is a wife. She ought to know and perform her duties to a T. She is supposed to cook and clean, after all, that’s what he married her for, right? RIGHT. That is indeed what he married her for. That was his reason for getting married, to wife a domestic worker who he wouldn’t have to pay.
You might be quick to disagree but think about it. What kind of man murders his wife whom he’s supposed to love and care for simply on the grounds that she failed to carry out one simple task?
For Tanko to have killed his wife because she was failing in her duties as a wife is testament to a disturbing master-slave complex he may have harbored in his warped mind. If a sane, stable man was put in this same situation, he would either have eaten out or prepared his meals himself.
A man will not die if he goes to the kitchen and cooks his own meal himself. For Tanko to have even thought of getting violent just because of food that will eventually end up in a septic tank goes to show he just is a violent human being. If it wasn’t food, it would be something else. He’d find another reason to send his wife to an untimely grave.
If a spouse is not living up to their responsibilities, it is imperative to have a heart-to-heart with them, if that proves abortive, seek professional help. If all else fails and nothing else can be done, get a divorce. It is as simple as that, well maybe not that simple but simpler than taking another human being’s life.
In his defense, Tanko said to the police, “In the heat of an argument I used my cutlass (machete) and killed her.
“My wife was fond of not giving me food in time and when I complained, she will abuse me. She never gave me food each time I asked for it. She even asked my 10-year-old daughter to abuse me because I was asking for food and whenever I want to correct the girl she will abuse me.”
If not for the gravity of the situation, I would have laughed at his flimsy excuse but I can’t help but cringe at his pathetic speech. This all boils down to the belief that a married man cooking for himself is ‘unAfrican’ and many men out there subscribe to this warped belief.
If Tanko had prepared his own meals during this five day period or bought food outside, Auta would still be alive. The moral of this story is: men should stop looking as their wives as maids. If you want a domestic, hire one, don’t marry one.