Please my dear sisters i need advice seriously!!
I have being married to my husband for almost three years and we have a child.
He asked me to help him with money during our wedding and engagement ,so we took a loan but with my name to help but after the marriage he started saying I paid to marry him.
After our marriage I started observing and noticing how he’s always drunk, like he’s got very serious drinking habit, he always smells of alcohol. He is also a smoker and on top of it all, he is a womaniser.
He does not have any regard or respect for me as his wife. He is not a forgiving type, when you offend him he will never forgive.
when he does something and he’s confronted about it, he denies outright , even when he’s caught red handed, he will still deny, he lies at will
He is not looking after our child. He threw me and his child out of the house after a misunderstanding, later came and started begging for us to come back home after throwing our things out but he is doing the same thing again ,I don’t know what to do.
Dear “Sister”… hoping you get the best for advice from fellow women and men as well, but my question is this, why would you borrow money to have a wedding? There was already pressure on this marriage right from the beginning, pressure is one thing some men are not good at handling, the truth is women manage pressure better than men.
Men as the head of the family tend to always come under pressure in circumstances like this, its either you are being economical with the truth here or i don’t know, this is to do with you not knowing he drinks or smokes before you got married to him, if true, then have you stopped to think for a minute just maybe the fact that he owes money to you and probably to others as well could possibly have driven him into drinking and smoking?
Please don’t get me wrong here, i am not in anyway supporting his abusive nature towards you, the LOTUSVOICES, which is a domestic violence cause totally stand against violence and abuse.
while we stand against all of this, there are times we just have to be blunt with our fellow women to prevent others from making the same mistake. My dear fellow woman, this man could possibly be reacting to pressure brought about this marriage. From your narration, you sponsored this wedding which brings me to the most crucial question of it all.
Was this man fully ready to get married or was he coaxed into marriage? Did this marriage have to hold because you were pregnant and therefore the need to be married was there.
I ask all of this because at times we women are the root of calamities that befall us. Most times we fail to see the warning signs of an abusive and violent man because we are consumed with living up to society expectations.
Maybe both of you could try counselling, try and know why he denies stuff or lies so much as you said. from all of what you have said, he’s not abusive or violent towards you, though he’s sent you packing severally, it’s coming across like your husband is stressed out most likely due to money matters.
Hopefully with advise you are able to understand, seek help and work it out.
All the best.