My name is Yvonne, I am a Ghanaian married to a Nigerian. We got married about 8 years ago and we are still trusting God for the fruit of the womb. Hubby resides in Europe while I in Ghana but I joined Hubby in Europe about 4 years ago. While in Ghana, I had a great job, earning very good salary but my inability to conceive and family pressure made me relocate to Europe.
On getting to Europe, life was just not what I expected at alllllll! First, I discovered my husband was just living from hand to mouth! In a single one! I was disappointed because he had always given me the impression he lived in a house and he was doing very well. I had never really asked him for anything because I was financially okay.
I also discovered that in order for my husband to remain in Europe, he had to pursue a 3 year study program in one of the institutions here. He couldn’t work full time, he had no dime nor scholarship but he actually expected me to fund this program without my prior knowledge or consent: Hmmmmmm! All this because he knew I had some money saved back home.
I wasn’t happy about this at all but like a good wife, I started making regular payments to the school, withdrawing from my account back home via card payment and some other money that came my way.I was also desperate for a job to support my husband and I.The only job I could find was a Care job, earning minimum wage, this was a far cry from the job I had back home but I was able to pay the bills and also make some regular payments to hubbys school account. These school payments were mostly in cash as I usually withdraw from my personal account and then handed over to hubby to make the payments.
I think it was the fourth payment I made from my salary that I noticed hubby never tenders receipts from his school for these cash payments. When I asked, he said the receipt was somewhere in his bag.I didn’t think much on this. The following month, same thing happened, no receipt and this time I made a lot of noise, insisting on the receipt as I needed it for my documentation.My people, na same story ooooo, NO RECEIPT I didn’t want us to argue much on it but I decided within myself never to give him cash again! Following this, all payments were card transactions and everything was fine.
. Just around the end of 2014, hubby told me that the school asked him to pay a certain amount as he was far behind on his scheduled payments and the school was threatening to have him suspended. Haaaaa! Where do I get the money? I had already withdrew more that 2/3 of the money back home and the balance is in fixed deposit.
In order to raise some money, I did all the overtime shifts available, sold some trinkets and then added 90% of my salary for that month. I was able to raise not all but a reasonable amount and I transferred all the money to our joint account, I gave hubby my card to use in making the payment in school but he told me He had his own card, so he wont be needing mine.
When He came back,I asked for the receipt and that was when the story started: He said he forgot his PIN and was unable to make the card payment in school, he decided to go to the bank and ask for assistance but somehow, ended up withdrawing all
the money from the bank and making cash payment in school but NO RECEIPT. He said he could not remember where he left the receipt. Oh not again! I don’t know how much he paid or even if he paid any at all.
My people! At this point, I lost it and flared up, asking why he went to pay with cash instead of using his card and he has no receipt of payment. I was fuming and not talking to him. A few hours later, his sister called, thanking him for being a responsible man and doing the needful, bla bla bla bla bla. I noticed hubby wasn’t very comfortable talking to his sister in my presence and on a good day, he would have handed over the phone to me to talk to to her as well but not on this day. He hurriedly ended the call and this made me very suspicious.
I did what I have never done before by snooping on him and I found what I was looking for. In one of his jackets, I found a receipt of money he had transferred to his ex- girlfriend. Did I mention that hubby has a 15 year old daughter with his ex?
Apparently, his ex had lost her father and the burial was in a few days. He wanted to assist with the funeral expenses and that was the actual reason he requested for money.
I was so so hurt! I thought of all the trouble I went to gather the money, the fact I had to deprive my poor old mother her annual Christmas bonus, the several sacrifices I had to make all because of him! All in the name of love and he could do this to me?. This is a man that has never sent my mother a dime for the eight years we have been married ooo! I just cannot point to any financial assistance I have received from him.
I made big trouble with him that night o! I insisted I wanted the receipt and also a detailed summary from the school of all the payments I had made. I further stated that I will not make any further payment unless I see the receipts/docs I requested for. He promised to get all the docs but as I am writing this mail, He has refused to produce them and has also refused to own up, claiming he paid all the money to his school. I never told him about the money transfer receipt I found in his pocket.
I stood by my words and I have not remitted any money to his school account. Its been over a year now and he has been grumbling about the school suspending him and about submitting his details to the immigration office unless he pays a certain amount. singing about how he urgently needs money to settle his fees. I just pretended I didn’t hear him.
If we are deported, I really don’t mind going back to Ghana and starting again with the little money I have left, Maybe go for some fertility treatments as I desperately want to have my own child but then what about all the money I have spent so far? If he is deported, all the money will all go down the drain just like that?……..What if I give him a second chance? withdraw the money left in Ghana and use it to settle his fees? to get the immigrations off his back? but then, this is a man that has not even admitted he had done something wrong? No apology whatsoever! Will he not do it again?
RiRi…Please if you were in my shoes, what would you do.
Editors Note: The lady wrote to RITA.E. AJU. There is alot for all women to learn from in this touching tale.